Burritos mean a lot to me and I'll tell you why
One of our favorite shows to watch is Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives with host Guy Fieri.
Guy is a relentlessly positive fellow. He’s an odd duck, but is always upbeat. I don’t know how he does it, but it’s admirable. I’m a bit cranky most of the time.
Nevertheless, the other night, we were watching an episode (S30, EP4) and they went to a place called Chuy’s Taco Shop in San Diego.
I’ve had my share of burritos in my life (probably your share too). For instance, one week, when I was in my 20s, I made it a point to have a burrito for every meal. One of the best weeks of my life.
On the show, something really surprised me. Guy was amazed by a menu staple, “Chuy’s Burrito,” one that presumably got Chuy himself on the show the first place. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Guy that baffled about what he just ate.
Now, when Guy reacted so strongly and positively upon his first bite, I thought Chuy had made some extra-special carnitas.
Nope. He’d never had a chile relleno stuffed inside of a burrito before! First time. Ever.
Maybe chile relleno ain’t your bag, but when we’re talking burritos, it is most definitely my thang.
A chile relleno burrito is ne of my favorite all-time simple burritos. They have them all over the place where I currently live (down in the Silicon Valley area) and where I’m from (Portland, Oregon).
Though, in Portland, at many burrito joints, we’d probably call Chuy’s Burrito a “Super Carnitas Burrito.” Frankly, these burritos are not that uncommon. To clarify: a Super Burrito (at least in the Portland area) is basically your standard burrito stuffed with a chile relleno and your choice of meat.
I’ll give a quick plug to my favorite Portland taqueria, Taqueria La Sirenita #2 on SE 17th. Look it up on their menu. My choice would be a Super Chorizo, or the sleeper…Super Fish.
[Inflation—particularly when measured by the “Burrito Index”—is ripe. This dish cost $5.25 for many years, now it is $10.25. Still likely worth it, though.]
A “Super Burrito” down in the Bay Area/Silicon Valley means something totally different—it’s essentially an “upgrade” to add guacamole—and these folks are utterly perplexed whenever I try to order something even close to resembling a “Portland Super.” I don’t even try anymore.
How does this apply?
As Gary Figgis, the late Ray Liotta’s character in the 1997 classic “urban western” Cop Land states—rather angrily, “It applies, Freddie!”
For some context, we’re going to rewind at least 15 years back for a moment. Bear with me here…
There are two “La Sirenitas” in Portland…perhaps more. I have no idea if they are specifically connected, but I always assumed there was some association.
So I was bumbling about the eastside one day and fancying a Super Chorizo Burrito, when I ordered one at La Sirenita (the one on NE Alberta).
“Sorry, sir, we can’t serve you that.”
“Out of chile rellenos?”
“No, sir. But would you like a chile relleno burrito? We can make you that.”
“No, I would like a Super Chorizo Burrito.”
“We can’t serve that to you.”
“Out of chorizo?”
“No.”
“You don’t do Super Burritos anymore?”
“We do.”
“Can I get one then?”
“Not a Super Chorizo, sir.”
“But it’s on your menu, right there. And you have all the stuff for it.”
“We can’t do it for you today, sir. Sorry.”
“Why?”
“Just can’t, sir.”
“I really wanted one of those, though. I’ll come back later. Thanks. Have a good one.”
So I left. No burrito. Talk about perplexed.
This story was a source of amusement for a while amongst my burrito-eating friends. Many are hearing it for the first time now.
I still couldn’t figure it out. What was going on?
A few days later, I went over to Taqueria La Sirenita #2 and ordered the standard Super Chorizo Burrito. I got a bit of the side-eye at the counter, but since I was a regular and friendly with the proprietor, he checked…No problem.
I sat down with a free “alt-weekly” newspaper and ate my Super Chorizo Burrito and read.
Just days before, an article reported, a Mexican restaurant in Vancouver, Washington (just across the river from Portland) was exposed as a key location in a cocaine ring. If you wanted to buy a specific amount or package of cocaine, you told the waiter/hopper that you wanted a “Super Chorizo Burrito.”
What in the Front Door!?!
I needed to figure a few things out for myself.
A few years later, I answered an ad and applied to that same alt-weekly to become their food critic. I didn’t get the job, but expensed a Super Chorizo and some fish tacos at La Sirenita #2 and it ultimately sort of kickstarted me into writing way more and even blogging.
A number of my pieces were published in Portland’s main daily newspaper and I ultimately parlayed that effort into a job offer at a small town newspaper in southern Oregon as their one and only sportswriter.
They didn’t need me until two or three weeks after I interviewed. I got the job. I told them that there was about a 10-day period where I’d miss 3 or 4 days of work because I was travelling to several college football bowl games and was already committed to that.
In an ironic twist of fate for a “sports reporter” going to watch and potentially report on a slate of football games, they rescinded the offer just before the New Year because they didn’t think I was “really committed” to the job.
Well, for 3 or 4 days off per month and the princely salary of 25 grand, scrivening away on the edge of civilization with one mexican restaurant to be had, and no Super Burritos anywhere… I may have done them a favor by showing up at all.
My point in all of this, over a dozen years hence, is that now I figured out what to do.
- It’s not eating burritos all day, though that is extremely enticing. Can’t do it…I’m doing “carnivore” at least through the end of July.
- It’s not frittering my life away as a correspondent for a frontier-town fishwrap, sucking up all my time for incredibly meager wages.
- It’s not as an aimless wanderer through a third-world warzone that was once a world-class city. Apologies to Beirut and Belfast, I am not talking about you, but I don’t want to wander amongst your rubble either.
- Rather than continually fighting my way through “traffic,” I took some advice from Liotta’s Figgis to heart:
- The goal is perpetual motion. You want the greens.
- As in life, in traffic.
- You move diagonal, you’re gonna get perpetual motion. That’s what you want.
I will be publishing serious content amidst an unserious culture in the form of a monthly newsletter, accompanied by a website and a new podcast.
It’s called The O’Leary Review.
- Serialized versions of classic books
- Reviews of those books and others
- General societal commentary
- Movie and television reviews
- Sports, of course.
- Culinary writing
- Other stuff we need to know about
We’re a serious publication, catering to serious folk. It might not be your jam. I understand.
But, we’re launching in a few weeks anyways, doing as Gary Figgis commands:
“You move diagonal. You jag.”
And if you want to check out a sample of what we have to offer, to see if it is something up your alley…